Written by Writer’s Corps member Kelsey McKeon
We’re all watching Netflix in the social-distancing age. Just before COVID-19 was declared a pandemic, Netflix’s dating reality show “Love Is Blind” was number 1 on its list of top 10 shows on the platform in the United States.
Shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, which has had to postpone filming due to COVID-19, draw millions of viewers every season.
The specific format of “Love Is Blind” seems even more familiar now that social distancing and stay-at-home orders have people getting creative about pursuing romance at a safe distance.
About twenty straight, single men and women gather in a studio under the guidance of Nick and Vanessa Lachey.
Two strangers meet behind a clouded glass wall and form romantic connections with each other. Six couples ultimately get engaged in the dating “pods,” and leave to start their lives together after seeing each other for the first time.
Many of us will be taking distant and unconventional approaches to romance in the coming weeks and months. While most of us won’t be looking for love on a reality TV show, here’s an important refresher on the signs and behaviors of unhealthy relationships from your newest Netflix addiction: Love is Blind.
1. Volatility: Carlton and Diamond
Carlton and Diamond were the only engaged pair to end their relationship while the couples vacationed in Mexico. The volatility in their relationship was on full display when Carlton shared his bisexuality with his fiancée, Diamond.
When she doesn’t react in a way he expects, their argument escalates.
Carlton accuses Diamond of being “biphobic” and “homophobic” in her response to his coming out. Diamond does not know how to react to his anger, and their argument escalates.
Both partners should feel comfortable being open about their sexuality on their own terms and without fear of intimidation in healthy relationships.
Carlton apologizes to Diamond in the show’s reunion special, but their unhealthy relationship couldn’t be reconciled.
2. Manipulation: Jessica and Mark
Jessica and Mark, one of the show’s most controversial couples, show us how manipulative behavior can impact a partnership. Manipulation is an unhealthy behavior characterized by one partner trying to control another’s thoughts or actions.
Throughout their relationship, Jessica tries to manipulate Mark into feeling discomfort at the couple’s 10-year age gap.
She repeatedly expresses discomfort at the fact that Mark is 24 when she is 34 and tries to influence his feelings to agree with hers. In one memorable conversation, she tries to make Mark uncomfortable by talking about a future together in which he is 50 and she is 60.
Jessica is also volatile and withholds affection throughout her relationship with Mark by …
Finally, Jessica deflects responsibility for her actions during the show, including making passes at other participants already in committed relationships.
In healthy relationships, both partners should value each others’ opinions and express themselves directly. Passive-aggressive behavior erodes healthy communication.
3. Intensity: Giannina and Damian
Intensity is a hallmark of many unhealthy relationships. Most relationships on “Love Is Blind” consist of “over-the-top” behavior, but Damian and Giannina’s pendulum swings between fighting and making up leaving no room for a healthy middle ground.
Their relationship begins with intense affection in the “Pods” and physical attraction on vacation in Mexico. Once they return to Atlanta, however, the intensity turns negative.
Giannina and Damian first have a public argument at a couples’ party, leading to another argument in their home on camera where Giannina makes belittling comments about their sex life.
They continue to have frequent, intense arguments until one nasty argument is followed by a grand romantic gesture: a helicopter ride and nice dinner cooked at home by a private chef.
Reality TV dating shows like “Love Is Blind” normalize confusion between passion and unhealthy intensity.
Giannina and Damian’s unhealthy intensity culminates with him saying “I Don’t” at the altar. This intense couple, however, reunited after the show.
4. Betrayal: Amber and Barnett
It’s important for couples to be forthcoming about finances. Withholding information about debt can be a betrayal for a partner.
The betrayal that takes place between Amber and Barnett is subtle. Amber fails to be honest and forthcoming with Barnett about her significant debt from student loans and credit cards.
This betrayal is not enough to end the relationship, but Barnett’s expression clearly shows he feels betrayed.
Amber and Barnett’s relationship, however, has a lot of healthy qualities, and the couple is able to work through this.
Honesty is still a hallmark of a healthy relationship. Amber and Barnett are able to make it down the aisle, but only because they were able to work through Amber’s failure to be honest about her finances.
Not all relationships on Love Is Blind are unhealthy, though. Here are two couples who display the qualities of healthy relationships.
5. Respect: Cameron and Lauren
Cameron and Lauren are arguably the most “successful” couple on Love is Blind. They made it to the altar and are still married.
Cameron and Lauren were one of the first couples to fall in love and get engaged while in the “pods.”
Respect and a comfortable pace helped this couple succeed. Cameron respected Lauren’s boundaries and allowed the nontraditional relationship to move at a pace that felt natural to both partners.
When Lauren expressed hesitation at moving in together, Cameron was open to having a conversation rather than escalating into an argument.
Lauren also respected Cameron’s feelings for her and was honest and forthcoming about her feelings.
Though the relationship had a few conflicts, it’s clear that their healthy behaviors allowed them to thrive even after the show ended.
Love Is Healthy > Love Is Blind
Most of us won’t meet partners on a reality dating show, but many of us watch them. It’s important for us to avoid normalizing unhealthy behaviors while still enjoying quality self-isolation content.
