Written by Writer’s Corps member Katemanee Burapachaisri 

Though June is Pride month it’s important to talk about and celebrate different gender identities and sexual orientations all through the year. Did you know the B in LGBTQIA+ stands for bisexuality? Which means a person who is not attracted to one particular gender. Although more young people identify as bisexual they still face challenges by way of stereotypes and biases that invalidate their identity. Here we’re breaking down common assumptions 

We break down common assumptions that are hurtful and dehumanizing to the bisexual community. 

3 assumptions about bisexual people that are harming your relationship.

1. Don’t assume your bisexual partner is going through a phase  

Gender identity and sexuality are fluid, not black and white categories of complete heterosexuality or homosexuality. Yet many people mistakenly believe bisexuality is a phase or a pit stop on someone’s way to being gay. In fact, writer Lea Rose Emery says when you come out as bi, people want the receipts. “They want to know how many men and women you’ve slept with, how long you check out a man versus a woman, and of course, “WHO DO YOU LOOK AT FIRST?!”

Here’s the thing, bisexuality is not a phase, in fact, a study by the San Francisco Human Rights Commission found that 92% of bisexual women still identified as bisexual ten years later. Treating your bi partner’s sexual orientation as less legitimate or a phase they try on for short time can leave them feeling judged or devalued for their genuine queer experiences.

2. Don’t oversexualize your bisexual partner or assume they’ll cheat on you with the opposite sex   

“Bisexual people are way more sexually adventurous.” 

“You should definitely ask your partner to have a threesome, their bi so…”    

Leaning into stereotypes around your partner’s sexual identity, whether it’s that bisexual people are promiscuous or that their sexuality somehow makes them more adventurous in the bedroom, is incredibly harmful.

Bisexuality and fidelity are not incompatible. Of course, there are people in non-monogamous or open relationships of every sexual orientation, however, being bisexual or queer doesn’t automatically make you a frontrunner for this kind of relationship. The bottom line is just like you wouldn’t use stereotypes based on race to judge a person’s character, it’s not a good idea to allow “assumptions” about your partner’s sexual orientation predetermine your beliefs about what kind of partner they will be. #ThatsNotLove or respectful and could create friction in an otherwise solid, and healthy relationship. 

3. Don’t assume bisexual people don’t face discrimination and harassment just because they could come off straight

Although bisexual people don’t always face the same discrimination there gay counterparts do, that doesn’t mean bisexuality doesn’t come with its own unique set of challenges. For many being bisexual means facing intrusive questions from straight people when they go out with someone of the same gender, and being seen as illegitimate to others when they go out with someone of the opposite gender. Maisha Z. Johnson, the author of “9 Lies People Tell You When You Come Out as Bisexual – And How to Heal From Them,” knows this all too well.

They wrote,  “A few years ago, I was in a relationship with a woman, and people often assumed I was a lesbian.

Sometime after our relationship ended, I went on a date with a man. A friend of mine – who knows I’m bisexual – asked, “Does this mean you’re not queer anymore?” 

Stereotypes like this directly contribute to bi-erasure or the belief that bisexuality is invalid in both queer and heterosexual communities which keeps bisexual people from seeking out important resources and support opportunities they need. 

Bisexuality is a legitimate identity. Validating the experiences of bisexual people and recognizing the stigma they face is the first step towards building a more inclusive community. Here are a few ways we can challenge biphobia and celebrate bisexuality:

• If you assume that a person is gay or straight based on their current relationship, work to reframe your understanding that the people in that relationship could be of any gender or sexual orientation.
• Take people for their word if they share a multisexual identity with you.
• Affirm and uplift the bisexual people in your life.
• If you see or hear an example of biphobia or bi-erasure, address it by sharing that bisexuality is real and valid, as well as resources to learn more about bi identities.

Link: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/resources/how-to-support-bisexual-youth/